Loss in Family (MT)
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MakersDozn Offline
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#1
May trigger  Loss in Family (MT)
Our father died at 3:19 AM Eastern yesterday (September 30).

He was 76 years old.

We have two younger brothers.  The first one lives out of state, about four hours away.  He is married and has two teenage daughters.  The second one is mildly disabled and lived with our father.  The three of us are leaning on each other and doing what needs to be done.

The service, etc. will be tomorrow (Thursday).  We will probably be back online Friday.

Thank you to all our MM friends for your support.

MDs


(Edited to fix spoiler)
(This post was last modified: 10-14-2014, 09:19 AM by The Warren.)
10-01-2014, 05:50 PM
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mosaic Offline
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#2
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
So sorry for your loss.
10-01-2014, 06:08 PM
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Reilly Offline
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#3
Friendship/Support  RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Sorry to hear of your Father's passing. Sending comforting thoughts your way.
10-01-2014, 08:32 PM
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angel with wings Offline
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#4
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Sorry for your loss.
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10-01-2014, 09:13 PM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#5
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
So Sorry for your loss MDs
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
10-01-2014, 10:49 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#6
Other/All/Unsure   RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Thanks, everyone. We appreciate all your support.

We keep wanting to call our father and talk about baseball. Undecided

One step at a time. We usually go over to pay his bills on Saturdays. And we want to see how our brother is holding up. He's the emotional one, and he lived with him.

And he wants to keep living in the house indefinitely. It goes to the three of us equally. We and our other brother are trying to convince him of the practical reasons why we'll need to eventually sell it. That's just one of a number of things that we all have to deal with.

MDs
10-04-2014, 11:20 AM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#7
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Taking things one step at time is what helped us get through also. Sitting here listening and offering you a cup a hot tea.
TW
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
10-04-2014, 11:25 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#8
Friendship/Support  RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Thanks. We're going over to the house now, but we'll probably be back on later today.

MDs
10-04-2014, 11:31 AM
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nats Offline
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#9
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
so sorry MDs. just keep taking each bit in its own time.
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10-05-2014, 12:34 PM
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The People Offline
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#10
RE: Loss in Family (MT)
First of all I am soo sorry as I know you had a good relationship with your father. Maybe like you with baseball your younger brother wants your Dad to show up. I have done some research in grief and loss. If it is doable would your brother be capable of staying in the house for a year? That is what they recommend to many people. That you don't change much of anything in that first year. Not just out of respect but because people need time to grieve and come to terms with things. You will all need that. But moving your brother out f the house abruptly could send him into a tailspin. Perhaps you could start planning but not push it too hard. We all grieve in our own way but it would be very sad for him to have to go through so many changes so quickly. I do recognize that this may put added pressure on you and your other brother but just throwing in my nickel.
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10-05-2014, 03:27 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#11
Other/All/Unsure   RE: Loss in Family (MT)
(10-05-2014, 12:34 PM)nats Wrote: so sorry MDs. just keep taking each bit in its own time.

Thanks, nats.

MDs
10-07-2014, 08:15 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#12
Caution  RE: Loss in Family (MT)
(10-05-2014, 03:27 PM)The People Wrote: First of all I am soo sorry as I know you had a good relationship with your father. Maybe like you with baseball your younger brother wants your Dad to show up. I have done some research in grief and loss. If it is doable would your brother be capable of staying in the house for a year? That is what they recommend to many people. That you don't change much of anything in that first year. Not just out of respect but because people need time to grieve and come to terms with things. You will all need that. But moving your brother out f the house abruptly could send him into a tailspin. Perhaps you could start planning but not push it too hard. We all grieve in our own way but it would be very sad for him to have to go through so many changes so quickly. I do recognize that this may put added pressure on you and your other brother but just throwing in my nickel.

Thanks. Much appreciated.

Brother #2 is definitely attached to the house, and we know that him staying there, at least for the time being, is an important part of his process. The house was deeded over to the three of us equally a couple of years ago, so that it wouldn't count as part of our father's assets should he have to go into a nursing home. Part of the legal document stated that our father would be allowed to live in the house for as long as he wanted.

The house has a mortgage. Property taxes in the area are significant, as are utility costs. Brother #2 has no real awareness of the finances involved. He is an office clerk. There is no way that he could maintain the house even if he wanted to.

Our father had a life insurance policy, and a pension....but how much of a dent will it make? There are also estate taxes, inheritance taxes....it scares the living crap out of us.

One step at a time.

MDs
10-07-2014, 08:24 PM
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orek Offline
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#13
Friendship/Support  RE: Loss in Family (MT)
[quote='MakersDozn' pid='10075' dateline='1412200223']
Our father died at 3:19 AM Eastern yesterday (September 30).

So sorry, MDs. I'm glad you sibs are leaning on each other. Take care.
10-09-2014, 08:32 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#14
Friendship/Support  RE: Loss in Family (MT)
Thanks, orek.

MDs
10-13-2014, 04:49 PM
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