On Denial (in answer to nats)

[Tangled Web]

Hi Tweeter. The information you shared wasn't too much for us. Thank you for sharing your views and experience with us. The question you asked about how can someone be denial when they are bamboozled by the subject the matter.............well that is where acceptance comes in. We have had information given to us by others inside and because of its content we are unable to accept it. We find we go back into old patterns of what was done to us and deny it and think it is all lies like we have been told soooo many times in the past by our mother. That is where the denial comes in. And the harder the situation might get pushed on us from inside forces the stronger the denial gets. If we can't accept something as truth that is where we go into denial. And I guess it has taken us a very long time to be ok with that. Learning how to give yourself permission to say it is ok to deny this right now because we are not ready to accept it yet. One day maybe we will be. So that is what we do because if we try to accept all things that come our way it buries us so quickly and we become completely overwhelmed and are unable to function. That is why denial has become our warm fuzzy blanket. It protects us. It helps us be able to function and live in this world to the best of our abilities right now. There has been way too many things happen in our life for me to just accept as truth and be fine with it. My parents especially my mother (who was my step-mother) were extremely big on denial. My T explained it this way to me once......She told me the reason they had to deny the things they did was because if they were to actually see what their actions were doing to me, what they did do to me by their own hands and actually seen it...... they wouldn't be able to live with themselves. Now I am not sure that is true or not. That mean they were people and not monsters and that would mean they had hearts and not stones for their hearts and I am not sure I am ready to see them that way yet. I just started seeing them as monsters sometimes and it gets way to confusing for me to see them as people. And my T agrees with me and encourages me to see them as the monsters they were so that helps. I guess there is a reason behind everyone having to deny something in their lives whether it is their behavior or an action whether we or them are aware of it or not. And all we can do is either except their version of their reality or leave it. It has been over 3 years now since we have walked away from our family, our step mother. Many people in my life never understood why we stuck around so long and didn't just leave sooner. ( I guess that is the perfect example on how denial can hurt you so badly.) That is a long story but to be honest we never believed that they were that bad, we always believed we were the ones who were bad and we were desperately looking for their love. That was the thing we could never give up on. They gave us our worth, they also gave us the rules on how to live in this world and we seriously didn't know any other way. We find ourselves still trying to live by those "rules" but they no longer work and that confuses us a lot. It almost feels like I have became a baby again just learning how to walk in a strange unsafe place called this world. It is scary and nothing ever make sense anymore. I don't know how to see the world through they eyes of someone being emotionally healthy...........and the way I used to see the world no longer applies either...........So what do you do? Well I drift.......drift in and out of denial and for that works for me. My denial doesn't hurt anyone on the outside........everything is kept hidden within me. I can now say I am glad my mother is no longer in my life.

So for us denial is because we are unable to accept the things that have happened.
This is how it works or this is how we see it
DENAIL--->ACCEPTENCE----->TRUTH----->FREEDOM
So our denial has kept us alive-------we have started to accept certain things as fact--------then we find the REAL truth in the facts --------which hopefully will lead us to freedom because the truth is supposed to set you free right?
WOW I think that is kinda amazing...............Thank you for helping me to put this into words.
TW