Just six pills

[Cammy]

I'm scared. I have a D appointment on Thursday. My meds are going to run out AGAIN before then. So I got the drugstore to fax a request for just six pills to get us through to Thursday so I don't have to go through the whole anxiety/panic terror attack again. Only...now I'm too scared to phone the drugstore to see if the order was approved. I mean, really scared. If I phone and find out that the prescription isn't there, I'm going to freak out. I keep thinking maybe it's better to have a couple more okay days before I find out I've been left in the ditch at the side of the road again. If the meds aren't there that's only two days of suffering. If I find out now, I'll start freaking out now. At the very latest I'll have to call by Wednesday morning because that's when there will be nothing left. So tired of this. On Thursday I hope to get this sorted out in person once and for all. Wrote it all out for the D so nothing gets missed. If I'm too messed up to talk, at least my written notes are already made up and were done while I was still okay. I wish sometimes that I wasn't such a coward, but the memory of what I just went through is still really raw and fresh, and I can't think straight about this yet. Just six little pills. Nothing to them, everything to me.