Follow up-difficult discussion

[Tangled Web]

I had the hardest conversation with my T today. I said goodbye to her and it was one of the hardest thinghas I have had to do in a very long time. It was my choice to quit seeing her. I am at the point in my life where I am looking for answers and she didn't know how to help me. She tried and I made a huge amount of progress with her. She never hid the fact that she didn't know how to help me and has no experience with this. I thought it didn't matter but in the end it did. I saw her for 4 years. She left the door open for me to come back anytime. I started seeing this other therapist, who has over 20years of experience in dealing with trauma and dissociation. It was because of my old T I could go look for what I needed.
So today i said goodbye to my T who I saw for four years and I can't stop crying. I don't understand it. This was my choice to do this and even though I think it was for the best, I still can't stop crying. It feels like my heart is being ripped out and I don't understand. Why can't I stop crying?