Birthdays

[The People]

My birthday is coming up. Doesn't matter what day because I hate it for such complex reasons;

Today I got a gift from friends when I went over to walk the dog. Waiting fir me was a bottle of wine. And a hand scratched card. My guess is that they remembered that it was my birthday when I said I was walking the dogs. I do this often because I love them and one won't be around for much longer.

A fuckig bottle of wine that was probably pulled from the basement. My sister was upset that she didn't have a lot to spend on me. She has probably 1/6th of an income that they do if that. Maybe 1/10th. I other it wasn't the size of the gift but the size of the thought that counts. Tjis gift had no thought.

Wife got home just as I was leaving. I had hoped to avoid that and spent less time with my puppies than usual as a result.

My T tries to tell me that people have different ways of looking at things. There is that 5indications of love thing. Gift of time. Gift of thought. Unexpected gift... 2 more. I already have the Christmas gift for these people.

They always time for their other friends but I am just the dog sitter. Even if that is the case... they could even have gone down the street and bought me a book store gift card as they know how much Ilove to read. The wine means nothing. Yes I will drink it but... sh*t.

My birthday is so hard. So many dark times attached to it. To acknowledge it so passively from these people whosay they will always be there for me... Just hurts.