So tired of people

[The People]

Some SP but only because of location.

I have a gruff voice. I had 10 siblings so I had to be f*ck*ng loud to be heard. To defend myself. As I grew up I fought against depression and anxiety. And DID. So I can still be gruff, though totally unintentionally. And sometimes it is just how it comes out! It is how I talk!

Tonight I was volunteering. There was a woman who came in the kitchen looking for coffee. It was explained that it was all gone. Then I held my arm out to let her get by while I tried to squeeze into the kitchen.

"I was helping you know!" She was annoyed. Misinterpreting my gesture. I said "yes and it is appreciated." She left.

After that this grumpy old man who helps lead the volunteering grumbled "it's not what you say it's how you say it!" He has never once spoken to me in a kind voice since I started volunteering. Actually I was there before him and stopped going because him and the rest of his little foursome. Tonight I got angry and said "Exactly!"

I don't know what to do. I like the volunteering but I don't like being treated in that way. Most people are nice. But I was so mad I could have thrown something. I only do that with unbreakable at home but I was/am just so angry!

How do I change how I speak. People tell me to think before I speak but it still comes out the same. I think it is the crowd. I think it is better for me if I don't go back. f*ck*ng *ssh*l*!

I don't care for the new priest either. I have tried finding another place to go but there are people like that in all walks of life.