7 th heaven

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I find family squabbling intolerable. In my small FOO, they were always fighting, and my childhood home was not as safe as it should have been. I have a long history of being separated from people because of someone else's jealous or controlling nature, the basis of which of course is fear of loss (of whatever) by these people. The person who allows this is on the way to varying degrees of isolation, often done by trying to preserve any semblance of belonging, and, sometimes, to preserve another person's sense of belonging, that which can only occur via dominance. (I hope I haven't made a communication failure here. Hard to express.) I could go a lot further in this, but, look when it becomes emotionally like the Hatfields and the McCoys, or when one is used as a scapegoat to shore up another person's position via lies, it's time to leave according to my experience. There are other diplomatic alternatives. Has to do with the people involved. Sometimes you just have to make a choice based on how people have treated you, etc. I was forced into that as a young child, and I made the wrong choice.

I started to watch Heartland maybe in late 2013, and 7th Heaven this year. I'm not of the same sp. cloth, but the dynamics of family support and accountability indicated, are of comfort in a world where many in power are getting away with what they can, leaving much of the populace in such a crisis mentality, fostered and encouraged by leadership, that you can't depend on much of anyone anymore. Because of my current experience with a doc (25-year association with this specialist, who didn't blindly follow guidelines before...) who has turned on himself and on me, I can't wish for a model family member, etc. You never know what a person will become when sufficiently challenged, what is below the surface. That goes for my ex-spouse too. I know what I'm saying is not particularly encouraging, and there are exceptions. I'm at the point of being in shock.

If I were not pressured to conform to sp. beliefs, I would have fit in well with the Camden family, or something along those lines. The fundamental structure is good. There is an expected openness that I like a lot.

I needed parents who were not nuts, for openers, people in my life who were not afraid to stand up for themselves or for their kids, or their friends, or patients.
I think anyone can lose footing because they think, for good or bad, that they can get away with things, and realize somewhere along the line that self-autonomy, even to the point of fundamental aspects of privacy, has been lost. Then what? Yeah, I went off on a tangent. But maybe some of that is relevant. I tried my best, and also expressed my own grief.

take care,
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