On Denial (in answer to nats)

[tweeter]

(03-18-2014, 10:24 AM)nats Wrote: hi tweeter, thanks so much for coming back and responding to this in the midst of your ongoing battles. wish we could remember more precisely what question this is in answer to (we remember a question, just not what - the joys of a dodgy memory). we see denial as an avoidance. yes, perhaps in all cases, it's acceptance of a lie in place of a truth for the purposes of reducing pain or reducing confusion. it's a particularly difficult one to avoid entirely b/c we as humans naturally prefer to avoid pain and uncertainty/confusion. unfortunately, even the best life is full of pain and uncertainty.

I do remember that the thread in question was about something else, and I happened to mention denial in passing. Then, you chimed in.

I had been annoyed with myself because I have moments when I not only have clarity but also brevity. In fact, both often occur together. A bit of heaven. I had been in deep think about denial, which is a complicated mechanism and not as isolated in its operation as I had thought. When I got past that speed bump, I wrote something short (Feb. 6), but I lost it. Today it was found. Everything I wrote to you still holds, but this is the crux of it, and could stand on its own.
Here is a rewrite of it:

I have realized that denial can be seen as a version of playing d**d. Insensitive, not only to reality, but also to real needs and feelings, in order to stay safe or avoid unbearable pain.
Let's say an accomplished denial artist, let's call he/she Q, insists that the helper/buffer described previously, share and be synchronized to the state of denial as experienced by Q. Also, buffer person is expected to turn away from his/her own feelings and pursuit of happiness, and is scolded that Q is taking action to prevent pursuit of these things for his/her good. Q (now also an ab*s*r) is acting to protect by isolating the other person from those situations. The person in denial will ruin another person's life in order to avoid challenges to his/her denial loop status quo by controlling, controlling, controlling. At the root of this is anger and jealousy from whatever origins are relevant to the situation. This has the potential of escalating, and IMO could become as bad as getting too close to a malicious narcissist.
The person who has acted as a confidant and buffer ceases to exist as a person and is expected to live to serve one in denial (who is unhappy with that life....., but can't find the strength to change). Q is not only in denial re personal life, but also as regards someone (maybe more than one) else. What can be seen as justified action depends on many factors, including character.

Guess that's it.

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