Can't let this GO!!!!!!

[Tangled Web]

And I can't get past it!

I am PISSED OFF!!!!!!!
Well I tried doing this last night and had the post already to send and I lost the WHOLE thing. So I am going to try again. I was just going to say forget it but I can’t so here goes……
If anyone has an issue with strong language or swearing Don’t read this post!




We went to T on Tuesday like planned and tried to talk to her about what has been happening in the last two weeks and something was said……the comment was ……It FEELS like we have to do everything on our own. The reason we said that was because emails were sent to her during that time and she didn’t respond. We know she doesn’t like to respond to emails but it didn’t stop us from hoping she did. We didn’t get a chance to clarify why we said that in the session because things snowballed out of control. So T asks if we are planning on coming back next week? I was so shocked she would have asked me something like that. I asked her why she would ask me something like that and she said because we said we have to do things on our.
Now we had numerous discussions about this and she said she would never just let us go, she said that if we wanted to quit therapy and not come back we would discuss it first and I agreed with her that we would do. I BELIEVED HER! And then she says that to ME! First of all I never said I WANTED to do things on my own! I said it FEELS like I did. There is a f*ck*ng difference!
I responded by saying well what if I said NO I wasn’t coming back and it was her turn to be a little shocked. She became quiet and the silence was too quiet and it took too long so I asked her….do you think I don’t need to come back? Do you not want me to come back? She was able to answer those questions with the word yes and then she had the f*ck*ng nerve to say oh I think I might have somehow hurt you and I am sorry. Nothing like adding fuel to a fire that was already burning! I wrote her an email explaining to her why I had said that it felt like I had to do things my own and that she didn’t HURT me. She pissed me off but she doesn’t have the power to hurt me! And I wanted to know if she would just let me go. Well she wanted to concentrate on how she was to know when to call us when she gets emails and when we are just sending her information. I responded and told her I didn’t have the answers to that. I wanted to talk about whether or not she would just let us go!
When I was explaining to her about why we said how we felt, it wasn’t that we were blaming her for not sending us an email…….it was more like a wish. We know we can’t ask for what we want and most of the time don’t even know what that is….it was more just a wish, not an expectation.
So any ways she responds to us by saying she doesn’t THINK she would just let us go. Doesn’t THINK she would. What the f*ck is THAT!
You can’t go from having these conversations and believing what has been told to you and then go to a maybe or something like that. She says one things and does something different. What the f*ck is it? ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT going to just let us go!
I don’t f*ck*n get it. I really don’t! Why is it so HARD to make and keep connections? I asked her if it was wrong to want to feel connected, I asked her if it was wrong to want to feel like we mattered, I asked her if it was wrong to want to feel cared about! She said NO it wasn’t wrong. So then it just must be f*ck*ng wrong to get it then eh!
She says we are still in the building the relationship stage and the building trust stage. Well she BLEW THAT ONE RIGHT OUT OF THE f*ck*ng WATER!