Does this make sense?

[The People]

I just wrote a post below about how I got through what is normally a dark period; the mark it on the calendar type. This time I came through it relatively unscathed and was so happy. But now suddenly it is like all of those ghosts that were pushed aside by funerals and travel and other things.

Do you think that the shadows that were pushed aside could jump on me now that things have slowed down? Does that make any sense? The last few days have been so horrid and today I am hiding out in my pajamas.

Yesterday I was at my volunteer place and a guy came in that I was assured was away. He smiled, the kind of smile that makes my skin crawl and went off to his corner. I am sure he is a sociopath and he knows he pushes my buttons. He has my father's eyes (also sociopath) and he reminds me of someone that is just out of reach of my memory. I am sure a red dot person.

I lost it. I went outside and called the woman in charge of volunteers. She is frustrated because I am reacting so strongly; not understanding the effect this guy has on me. A guy who sits on the board happened to be there and he took over, told the guy he was not to show up until his shift starts (he shows up before I get there usually and his shift starts at 7) The guy left but I continued to be a basket case for the remainder of the day.

My relief came in. He is a nice guy and may help me with something I am too weary to share today. I sat and chatted with him for a bit. We talked about my hope it's a project and then the sociopath came up. The ED was sitting across from us. There is another guy that volunteers that can be challenging and her comment was "some of these people with mental illness" I left shortly thereafter.

I know she did not mean it in the way that it came out. People have different types of challenges depending on their label. However I am stil one of the 1/4. I emailed her and explained this to her. How she needed to watch what she said because she never knew who she was talking to or who was listening. I am sure she felt horrid as she really is a kind person; was just exhausted from many meetings and other things. But I couldn't just let it go. So I emailed her, talked about what she said, touched on my history and how it effected my inability to cope with this sociopath.

She emailed me back this morning and apologized stating that she did not put me into this category. I restated that the wording was not acceptable (not in those terms as she is the big cheese) and wrote end of subject.

So does this make sense? That the dark times were held back by the present but now that things have settled the ghosts are roaming around in my head again? Not in a real way I know. The past is in the past. But the ghosts are still here.