Defenses

[Tangled Web]

Ok so I know that my defenses were extremely valuable to me when growing up in the household we grew up in. I understand that. But how do you get past them now? Some of this stuff we are about say might not be very logical but logic doesn't really have much to do with defenses, defenses just happen automatically without any thought to them at all........That is the problem.
I am pretty sure I am not in danger when I am talking to my T, she has been supportive to us and listens to us and seems to be genuine about her feeling towards us.
So this is what happens when we are talking to her.............She will ask a question and we will try to answer it depending on how it makes us feel. If there are feelings that make us uncomfortable with that, we change the subject. She has told us many times that if we tell her we don't want to talk about something all we have to do is let her know. The problem with doing that is that is us basically telling her that something about that bothers us. And in doing that we are somehow showing her a “weakness” in us and giving her some kind of ammunition to use against us....even though we know she would probably never do that but those are thoughts...... So changing the subject does not do that. Only there is a problem with that because then we never can get to what is bothering us. I know it feels like we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.
Also........It is the same thing in telling someone what works for us and what doesn’t. How we work and what helps and what doesn’t. In doing that you are telling the person how they can hurt you or get you to feel things you try to avoid. It feels like we are being tricked for some reason so we keep those things hidden.
And another thing with that…..if they DO figure it out themselves, it shows us that they actually understand and they care because they would have had to work really hard to get there with us. And if they didn’t care they wouldn’t have made the effort. They would have proved it to us by showing us because they did it on their own. Words never really have meant much to us because people lie ALL the time and just tell you what you want to hear. But if they figure things out on their own about you, then that actually says something to us!

But we want the help and want to somehow get past all these defenses but have no idea how to do that when they happen automatically. It is easy to think that we could stop all this from happening but when we are knee deep in it, it is impossible to stop at this time.
It feels like there is a much bigger force behind all this and it is totally out of our control. And no matter how hard I try to gain control over this I can never get it.
Frustrated!!!!!!!!