Integration ?

[Silent Society]

Hi. just wondering if anyone has had parts integrate, try it out, and then decide they didn't like it or weren't ready for it. This is all new to me. There have been major system changes lately. It seems like that is what happened to us. It seems like we integrated and then had trouble with it so we split apart again. Don't know if that is even possible. any thoughts would be appreciated.

[WeAreKaren]

It must be possible, because I have had that happen. :-) I found out that I have DID about a year ago, and have been going through major system changes ever since. That includes some integrations that had to be "redone".

The other thing to be aware of, though, is that you can think a part integrated because they "disappear", but it turns out they were just resting, or away somewhere. Usually, you "know" whether it's integration or not, but not always. Part of that may be my own inexperience, but my therapist told me that when I was worried about a "missing" part that I knew had not integrated. And then I had a couple of parts that I thought had integrated reappear. I've also seen it mentioned on another forum I go to. So I think it's a "common" occurrence. I'm not saying that was your experience this time, just noting it for future reference.

Karen Rose (Host), with assists from Laurie Angelique and Ken, who both like to "disappear" periodically ;-).

[MakersDozn]

It's not in our plans. We aim for cooperation and individual and collective healing.

We agree with Karen Rose about insiders sometimes "disappearing." It's happened to us. We've learned to develop a sense of how far away from the front each one of us is, and to accept that they may have their reasons for not communicating. But we're all still here.

MDs

[The People]

We have triplets. Peak Rachel and Patricia. Rachel never spoke. She did integrate but the glue came undone. When she returned she could speak. So even if it is only short term good can come out of it. Others have integrated as they just didn't want to be here anymore. I think some are just hiding around the castle. Some integrations were permanent. The first one was. It was so weird. It was the day after an exam and a very scared, tired pre-teen decided she'd had enough. She never came back.

[Silent Society]

I am so confused right now. Trying to figure out what is happening. It seems that there is full awareness of the trauma now. i have all the pieces. There is better functioning and times of calm. But there is also unrest. This new place is unfamiliar. Cant figure it out. What I am writing is not making sense to me so not expecting other to understand. Just very confused and lost at the moment.

[The People]

Sorry you are going through this but it is a normal multiple passing. IMO there may be full awareness of events but from my experience the emotions come long after that. In bits and pieces. Good luck with that part. I remember someone in the early years (pre-dx) stating that the emotions come last. And by and large it is what happened.

[WeAreKaren]

Actually, Silent Society, I totally understand what you are saying. I have experienced exactly what you are experiencing. You don't get "peace" all at once after you process memories of trauma. Especially since, as The People says, you do not usually get a single "incident" all at once. My experience too is that emotions usually come after the other parts of the memory. although sometimes the emotions have preceded the "factual" parts of a memory. I've also gotten the visuals separate from the sound, or several visual/sound chunks of the memory arriving separately, and not necessarily in sequence.

After I'd described that happening to my therapist several times, she finally told me (she didn't want to prejudice me by telling me before I figured it out for myself) that that is how the brain stores traumatic memories. It breaks them up and stores them separately. That is a safeguard so that it doesn't all come at you at once. Isn't the brain an amazing thing?

So it can make it seem tougher because it strings things out time wise. But that protects you from the impact of getting the whole thing all at once. And of course, that's exactly why the memory has been buried - because the experience was so awful and so intense that you couldn't handle it as a child and had to dissociate from what happened. That's how you survived into adulthood.

I hope this makes sense. We are still learning about this ourselves.