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+--- Thread: Sometimes (/showthread.php?tid=2803)
Sometimes - The People - 06-26-2019
you just have to let go. You try and try to help someone and sometimes it works but at others times... They know they need help but I cannot drag them by the hand. We don't even live in the same city.
I feel guilty but this was my life's pattern with my parents and I just cannot do it anymore.
RE: Sometimes - mosaic - 06-26-2019
it's sometimes difficult to really accept that we can offer help but it is up to the other person to accept it or not. i'm sorry you feel guilty - i imagine you know in your head that the other person not accepting your help is not your fault... the old patterns from growing up are easy to fall back in to aren't they.
RE: Sometimes - Five of Hearts - 06-27-2019
"You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, that which they could and should do for themselves."
Abraham Lincoln
RE: Sometimes - The People - 07-03-2019
Thanks to the 2 of you. She has always been like this. What really finished things was her making a promise and breaking it. Saying 'I Promise' are such important words to me. They have kept me alive. For her she believes that anger keeps her alive. Anger scares me. So her thought process scares me.
RE: Sometimes - nats - 07-03-2019
that makes sense. trust your instincts that you've already given enough chances. always hard though.
RE: Sometimes - dreamers - 07-08-2019
I can see how anger at the right things ( ab*sers, broken systems that leave people stuck with no way of moving up in life, etc) can be a good thing because it tells you something needs to be fixed and provides the motivation to get fix it. However, I also agree that anger at the wrong things and people who are trying to help you is scary
RE: Sometimes - The People - 07-08-2019
Dreamers she has reason to be angry but don't we all? I had to work on my own anger that I too used as a shield. She does nothing to make herself move forward and I just can't be her sounding board anymore while she rants and raves. There are people who are trained for that.
RE: Sometimes - dreamers - 07-09-2019
Yeah venting doesn’t use the steam to change anything so it’s not that useful and can wear people around one down. If you want to suggest a book for your friend, the dance of Anger is a good one on the subject of moving from venting to changing the underlying causes of the anger
RE: Sometimes - The People - 07-16-2019
dreamers we have read that book and others b the same author. friend probably has too but there is a difference/t reading and READING. plus she is bi-polar with late dx (f*ck*ng doctors) her t retired, pdoc moved... I can understand her anger but so much is different from DID. and I cannot help anymore. am sad but I have done all I can do. she has 'agreed; on Facebook so that is a step forward for her must have been a shock when we stopped trying. but we can't handle our own anger let alone that of others. everyone needs to step back from helping others. It is the old analogy of when someone is drowning and you try to save them. only, in their panic they will pull you down with them. she was pulling me down.