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+--- Thread: question about email (/showthread.php?tid=1468)
question about email - angel with wings - 09-15-2014
I have this friend in whom I like to email as a form of communication. this person is always busy and doesn't seem to have much personal time. so emailing seems a good way to talk. but here lies the problem. this friend refuses to answer any email I send. I say to myself, then why send an email to someone who obviously doesn't want one? im only talking to myself.
so can you help me figure out a way to stop myself from emailing them? for some reason im addicted to writing to them, mostly because I know they read it. they just don't answer it. this frustration is a problem for me. I tell myself to stop, but I cant. any suggestions?
I have tried posting a note on my compute reminding me not to email them. then I do. iv tried to reward myself for not doing it, then I fail.
this is not a problem to them. they are not upset I write. they just wont answer. im the one left frustrated and hanging, hoping this time i'll get an answer. its torturous for us. we know we need to stop.
so any suggestions????
RE: question about email - orek - 09-16-2014
No response is always frustrating. It just goes against protocol, let alone feeling unbalanced in the effort department. Friendships are two-way and have to feel for both parties that there's a sufficient amount of give and take. Maybe you can reach a compromise with this friend. If s/he is very busy, then s/he might feel too overwhelmed by the number and/or content to feel able to reply to each. Perhaps it's just easier not to reply at all than pick and choose. Maybe you can agree to send, say, one a day, and in return, the friend would agree to at least acknowledge the email, even if s/he doesn't have time for a lengthy reply. Then you would still feel that connection and feel you have a chance to communicate whatever you are needing to communicate, but then you're also acknowledging the friend's needs and time constraints so that s/he feels heard, too. I don't think you need to cut off this avenue of support entirely--unless the friend won't negotiate and you are left in this limbo. If this friend is important, then I encourage you to try to work out some compromise that works for both of you--and you two can figure out what that should look like. Good luck!--orek
RE: question about email - angel with wings - 09-16-2014
orek, I usually only send 2 a week. but I don't think this person will compromise. they are the type of person who wants you to speak to their face or not at all. surprised they take phone calls. emails are easier, cause they can be done at your convenience, nope, not doing it. sometimes its the only way we can communicate, so we feel silenced.
the best thing for us is to stop, but I struggle to do so. seems like a strange obsession, I know, but I struggle with it none the less.
it would be like posting on here from time to time, yet nobody responded to you or acknowledged your posts. would make one feel silenced and invisible. and that is how it makes me feel. I am sad and frustrated.
RE: question about email - nats - 09-16-2014
instead of email, could you write them a letter then hand it to them when you see them? also hate being ignored via email, but for us we just shut down and stop communicating. it's better not to give up on people who are otherwise good.
RE: question about email - angel with wings - 09-16-2014
there was a time I did that, but it no longer works, not an option. I also shut down too, nats. but I think its my others trying to communicate, I think its why i do it. part of me says stop, this isn't working. yet part of me keeps reaching out, but keep getting met with silence. I don't know what to do. im desperate to stop, I want this resolved.
because of this, and some other things going on, I have shut down, especially towards this person. I cant speak to them in a public place. I treat them as invisible. kinda like a payback. but its not payback im after, im really trying to protect myself from further hurt by them.
this person also knows my struggles, yet it doesn't seem to sway them in the least. part of me says, if they care so little for you, why are you trying so hard to connect? good question. I think its because the littles are wanting the connection. having a hard time explaining it to them that this isn't working. so don't know what to do.
RE: question about email - orek - 09-17-2014
(09-16-2014, 07:56 PM)angel with wings Wrote: I think its because the littles are wanting the connection. having a hard time explaining it to them that this isn't working. so don't know what to do.
I totally get that, insiders wanting to connect, NEEDING to connect. This, to me, sounds like a need for a good therapist. A skilled, supportive T would be a safe person for all of you to reach out to. I know it's not for everyone here, but we have found that connection to be incredibly helpful and even vital. There's nothing wrong with your kids', or any of your, desire to reach out and be heard, understood. But it does seem as if this person is not able to meet that need. Most outsiders couldn't, to be honest. A relationship with a T is unique in its purpose, boundaries, and intimacy. IMO, that's what you all are needing. Just food for thought.....
RE: question about email - angel with wings - 09-17-2014
thanks, and what you said is true. right now I cant afford one, so I will do my best to hang in there.
my littles and the others are reaching out and want to be heard. but we also need someone who is willing to meet us where we are. its also fearful finding someone new.